Match result
Result added July 23rd, 2018
| Match notes |
No inducements for either team, cards were opted not to be used. Good weather.
Turn 0.5: Following a prematch party hosted by the Hallucinogenetics, (see Thorslev’s match bulletin) we won the coin toss and elected to receive. The teams set up and the Ratskins got a blitz! result. Before the rest of his team could implement a plan of attack, Queek darted forward and attacked ‘Dim’ Thoxy. Unfortunately, he was dropped on his ass as a blitzer full of rohypnol is no match for a goblin on amphetamine.
Turns 1-2: Covered the ball in the backfield as my players on the LOS started hitting their opponents with Hum Durgeon KO’ing a linerat (for the entire match). Thoxy booted Queek in retaliation for the blitz, but to no effect. Underworld thrower Slice-Slice picks up the ball and moves forward.
The Renegades rushed forward, pressuring the ball carrier on both sides. We moved up on the left of the pitch and screened the carrier. Ratskins blitz the cage, überrunner Scratch marking ‘Skinner’ and Queek injures a goblin.
Turns 3-4: ‘Skinner’ notices that Scratch - full of ale and cough syrup - doesn’t look very well so with a gentle nudge, pushes him off the field where the Ratskins’ star spends 90% of the game hunched over a bucket in the medical tent.
Incensed that the Renegades dare hurt a poor, defenseless goblin (that’s our job) the Hallucinogenetics lay into the Ratskins: first, Syntazz Genesplice’s claw rips open Queek’s armour, injuring him, then Tzaraath - with a good beer buzz - hurts The Barron. Finally the team’s goblins wrestle Ziggy to the ground and stun him with a gang foul.
The Ratskins regroup and screen off the left/centre of the pitch as best they can while linerat Skweel knocks out my troll with a lucky hit.
Turns 5-7: The Hallucinogenetics break through, smashing aside their opponents (knocking out another linerat) and rushing towards the end zone while goblin boots stun blitzer Veskit. Outnumbered and desperate the Ratskins attempt to blitz ‘Skinner’ Slice-Slice with Ziggy. The gutter runner’s hit is ineffective but he marks the thrower.
Tzaraath counter-blitzes, wrestling him down. As many Hallucinogenetics players as possible surround Ziggy then goblin Jimson ‘Weedy’ Mescan boot-stuns him as the rest of my team screens the play. Seeing the fate of any that get close to the play, the Renegades content themselves with pushing around goblins.
Tzaraath gets to his feet as ‘Skinner’ hands him the ball. The foul action on Ziggy is then repeated. This time the ref spots the action and sends ‘Weedy’ off. The Ratskins attempt one last action to get the ball but the player, still dizzy from inhaling Poppers, fails his dodge and lands on his face.
Turn 8: Tzaraath runs in the TD. None of the Renegades players come back from being KO’d but Hum Durgeon does.
The Ratskins set up to attempt a lightning quick TD to equalise before the half ends. The blitz was too effective, knocking Hallucinogenetics blitzer Burnycutcut to the ground rather than chain pushing him into a gutter runner. They content themselves with a few more hits, a vanity pass and a week-ass foul on Burnycutcut that doesn’t even crack armour.
1-0 to the ones who can handle their recreational pharmaceuticals.
Turns 9-12: The outnumbered Ratskin Renegades decide to score quick, hopefully recover some players and then steal the ball for the win.
After a quick snap, the ball lands off the pitch. It’s given to gutter runner Mouldy. They knock down the Hallucinogenetic’s LOS then Mouldy rushes forward to the end zone, pushing himself and going for maximum speed. Unfortunately, buzzing from a combination of wine coolers and children’s chewable aspirin, he outpaced his support and stranded himself deep in the enemy half.
The Hallucinogenetics players cut off support while as many others as possible swarm Mouldy and Tzaraath wrestles him to the ground. The ball pops free & settles on the endline.
Since Mouldy could simply pop up next turn and scoop up the ball for a goal, Trikk Blastocoel GFIs back and lays iron-shod boots into the rat, stunning him.
The Ratskins try to push forward to get to the ball but their drunken hits have little effect against far more seasoned warpstone addicts.
Burnycutcut of the Hallucinogenetics recovers the ball and moves downfield and to our right, covered by the team. Malorrak Cytosine then attacks rookie blitzer Veskit. A horrible snap! is heard and Veskit is sent to the apothecary with a broken collar bone. The Ratskin’s doctor looks down at the blitzer’s smashed shoulder and says “hmmm... yep. That’s broken.” then promptly goes back to reading his complimentary copy of High Times that he got at the stadium concession stand. Trikk the goblin lays another foul into Mouldy but this time the ref spots the foul. Trikk is sent off but coach Simian argues the call, showing the ref pictures that show the official in a compromising position with the high elf Under 80 Minors team. The pervert, I mean ref, reconsiders his call and Trikk is merely sent to the reserves bench.
The Renegades rush back to their end to block the enemy advance. The only player able to get to Burnycutcut is the AG-busted Dribbles who has to dodge to reach the Storm Vermin. He tries the blitz, but due to his injury, trips and snaps his collar bone as well! The Ratskin ‘surgeon’ puts down his adult brownie long enough to giggle at the injury then declares he has the munchies and wanders off in search of snacks.
The underworld team continues their advance downfield, blitzing away then fouling opponents close enough to threaten Burnycutcut, ensuring the ball safe is in his hands
Turn 13: Or so they thought: Gutter runner Mouldy is able to dodge in and GFI enough to do an amazing strip ball play; snatching the ball from Burnycutcut’s hand and into his. Too bad this left him stranded, surrounded by opposing players.
Burnycutcut retaliates, knocking Mouldy out, popping the ball free where Malorrak picks it up, passes it to ‘Skinner’ who runs it in for a go ahead defensive TD.
2-0 to the foul-happy bastards.
Turns 14-15: The Ratskin Renegades again go for a two turn TD. This time, after another quick snap, Ziggy runs down the pitch off a throw from Ikit. However, this time he has support and the few Renegades that can, block off lanes to the gutter runner.
The Hallucinogenetics still attempt to blitz Ziggy but the goblin sent to mark the gutter runner has to dodge through tackle zones to reach him. The little green bugger fails his dodge.
Ziggy runs in for the face-saving TD.
2-1 to Mixed Skaven team is Best Skaven team.
Turns 15.5-16
The freak gutter runner Scratch (after voiding his stomach for most the match) finally feels well enough to leave the medical tent. Malorrak makes a small vanity pass, then the two teams trade a few hits for the last turns but nothing comes of it.
Final result:
2-1 to the team trying to make up for a dismal season 17.
Thanks for the fun match, Thorslev!
Best of luck in rest of the season. |
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