Old Bulletins

Old bulletin board
Oct. 17th, 2016
Another Loss
The team lost against the Unnatural Disasters (Bloomin' Petunias - Unnatural Disasters (MBBL Season 14, round 5)). However, Coach Simian was still impressed with his boys. They fought well, despite being severely down on players (6 were missing the match due to injuries), holding the Chaos Dwarves to just one TD and hurting the fuzzy-faced menaces almost as much as they injured us.
- Astrosimian
 
 
Sep. 9th, 2016
Fatty, sweet, tasty win!
What's almost as good as a third breakfast? An unexpected win, of course! (Truthfully, for halflings, any win is unexpected)

Our catering services worked the extra mile, inspiring our boys and - strangely - distracting our undead opponents (Wrymwoods Deadites - Bloomin' Petunias (MBBL Season 14, round 3)). Head Chef, Escoffier Ramsay, commented, "I got some $*#^*## recipes from the *£**#$& Necronominon - a #>**£%##, $@*#%~€ undead cookbook. Now get the £^<€ out of my %^*+%^* kitchen!"

Procured through stadium inducements, Zara the Slayer showed up and took out the biggest threat to the halflings,Lord Barniby III, early in the match.
- Astrosimian
 
 
Aug. 30th, 2016
Rotten meat
Up next for the Petunias are the necromantic team of Wrymwoods Deadites. Whilst our brave gourmands are willing to try any delicacy, they do prefer their courses a little... fresher to say the least.

Hopefully, an old friend who has offered her services can help turn this into a tasty dish!
- Astrosimian
 
 
Aug. 30th, 2016
Slippery Siuation
It seems that freshly oiled Amazons along with halfling fingers coated in butter and greasy bacon fat is not a good combination. Bloomin' Petunias - Bouncing Twakkettes (MBBL Season 14, round 2)

Our boys found it hard to tackle the ladies, let alone drop one long enough to lay a boot in.

As well, all that slipperiness made it difficult for Petunia players to dodge away effectively, causing them to trip and stumble rather than delicately glide away.

In short, another loss for the team. Thankfully long-term casualties were rare.
- Astrosimian
 
 
July 25th, 2016
Unfortunate Loss
Tonight the Petunias faced off against the midgets of Lonely Mountain, losing 4-2 and sustaining several casualties.

Proof that one should never trust a short person.

Many quarts will be drunk to the memory of Pemberton Snook.
- Astrosimian
 
 
June 17th, 2016
Petunias Return
After a long hiatus and having devoured many maple- and bacon-flavoured delicacies, The Bloomin' Petunias are set to return to the pitch in Season 14!
- Astrosimian
 
 
Dec. 16th, 2015
Season 12 Wrap-up
The Bloomin' Petunias finished their debut season with a respectable 3-1-3 record. 10 points was, however, not enough to secure a spot in division 2.

Whilst the Petunias did not receive many accolades or promotion, the season was not without small victories: notably, Peppa Wildbuck and Karri Highbranch making their mark upon the season's Top Scorers and Top Killers charts respectively.

Also - and it is with some amazement - the team did not finish last (even finishing with a better record than the other stunty teams who played this season), or receive the Most Fragile and/or the Leaky Cauldron awards, those "prizes" going to slann team, Daylight Corroboree and the elves of Ellyrion Eagles.
- Astrosimian
 
 
Dec. 9th, 2015
Season 12 Done & Dusted
The final match for the Petunias was a league mandated forfeit win after our opponents - and rivals - Flaming Galahs failed to show up to the match.

The Galahs were last seen entering Xilli'Sqirtz, a restaurant on the outskirts of town specialising in spicy Lustrian food.

In completely unrelated news, we would like to announce the hiring of skink Taako'Bil (founder of a chain of Lustrian-themed restaurants) as new assistant coach in charge of dodging and helping head coach Simian count to two!

The win comes with sad news as The Bllomin' Petunias regret to announce that they will not be participating in season 13 as they will be undertaking an eating and friendly competition tour of coach Simian's homeland.

We shall return for MBBL season 14.
- Astrosimian
 
 
Nov. 6th, 2015
Bloomin' Subtlety
Today we CROSS paths with Grim Fangdango: Bloomin' Petunias - Grim Fangdango (MBBL Season 12, Round 6)

Given the STAKES (whilst the chances of the Petunias coming first are slim, we can play the spoiler and hopefully make the vampires take SILVER) we have to play hard and with FIRE to drive our opponents BATTY and ensure they SUCK on the pitch.

We want to target their minions and, once the vampires lose restraint and lack for food, we can IMPALE the ball into the HEART of the end zone.
- Astrosimian
 
 
Oct. 30th, 2015
Recap and preview
Petunias management apologies for the delay in recapping our round 5 match - Sons of Brutus - Bloomin' Petunias (MBBL Season 12, Round 5) - as all available personnel have been busy scouting training supplies for our next upcoming game.

Despite playing hard and trying our best, the team was simply outplayed by the Sons of Brutus (player consensus is that the humans had a better vintage of Tilean wine at their disposal) and an misplaced reliance on "gifts" to the Referees' Guild.

Regardless, for our round 6 matchup against the vampires of Grim Fangdango, the team has been working hard training on the pitch - sometimes up to half an hour a day! - whilst enjoying such post workout meals such as garlic beer, sautéed garlic, garlic-stuffed garlic, garlic souffle with warm garlic sauce, and garlic pastries!

Fans are encouraged to come and watch your boys in action (but from at least 11 paces away and downwind).
- Astrosimian
 
 
Sep. 25th, 2015
Fiftee shades of pain
We would like to congratulate the boys on a hard fought win tonight (Fiftee Shadez of Green - Bloomin' Petunias (MBBL Season 12, Round 4)), good hustle and teamwork got us the three points!

Sadly, our joy is tempered by the fact that Holbo Topplehandy, Otty Leastoat, and Cam Embert paid the ultimate price in the quest for glory. Raise your pint glasses in salute to our departed heroes.

Our heartfelt thanks go out also to treeman star Deeproot Strongbranch for bolstering our LOS.
- Astrosimian
 
 
Sep. 23rd, 2015
Sault and Peppa in the house!
The team would like to formally introduce our newest recruit, Sault Shakir. Second cousin of the Petunia's rising star, Peppa Wildbuck, hopefully time will tell if Sault has the same spicy potential as Peppa!
- Astrosimian
 
 
Sep. 7th, 2015
Round 3 Results and Correction.
It is with great pride that we announce a win against the Flaming Galahs (Flaming Galahs - Bloomin' Petunias (MBBL Season 12, Round 3)). Well done, boys!

Sadly, Wodia Goodfarrow died during the match. In his honour, a place was set at the table for the team's post match victory feast. Enjoy that great big buffet in the sky, lad!

Also, in the previous bulletin, coach Simian was quoted saying he "...made the decision not to engage the services of our the catering staff..." when in reality what he said was "we will not be engaging in the services of a cattery during the match" referring, of course, to the feral cats that roam our home grounds.

We sincerely apologise to our worthy opponents for any confusion caused.
- Astrosimian
 
 
Sep. 4th, 2015
Reckoning!
In this cross-divisional round we face off against rival halfling team the Flaming Galahs.

Coach Simian has made the decision not to engage the services of our catering staff during the match due to the fact that our opponents may be inspired as much as our players.

Both teams are fairly evenly matched. The Galahs have more experience whilst The Bloomin' Petunias have the advantage of numbers; an asset we have to utilise to the maximum if we want to win; management has promised a whole roast pig for every Galah player in the injury tent at the end of the match.
- Astrosimian
 
 
Aug. 17th, 2015
Round Two Aftermath
It has come to our attention that our team's master chef had run out of butter and bacon in preparing our post-match feast against Inter Luccini - Inter Luccini - Bloomin' Petunias (MBBL Season 12, Round 2).

Such a situation cannot occur as it so disheartened our lads - with the exceptions of Pemberton Snook and Karri Highbranch who were so enraged that they each killed an opposing player - that we wound up losing the match.

The obvious solution is to purchase our own dairy and pig farm! Excellence is it's own reward.

(As an aside, management has decreed that the services of any Dryads will no longer be sought after; they are far too fickle and capricious to work well with our play style.)
- Astrosimian
 
 
Aug. 14th, 2015
Round Two!
Coming up in a few short hours, the Petunias face off against Inter Luccini a team full of potential.

Hopefully, coach Simian's previous experience at the helm of Edmundsheim Eagles can help prevail against Inter.

To this end, Siman has demanded whole team shape up & get ready and has put them on an intensive training regime of sticky buns, clotted cream, scones and whole roast hams. He wants everyone at fighting weight of at least 50 pounds; the more weight they can apply when stepping on a blitzers' head, the better!

Also our treemen have called upon their kin for support and a dryad has kindly offered her services to our cause tonight.
- Astrosimian
 
 
Aug. 5th, 2015
Clubhouse Upgrades
Recently, The Bloomin' Petunias completed renovations to our clubhouse and training facilities.

Due to being a mixed raced team, different players have different needs so these changes reflect these facts: we have upgraded the treeman's change room to include a misting system, hot and cold running fertiliser and four heat globes courtesy the Light College of magic.
- Astrosimian
 
 
Aug. 5th, 2015
Scandal!
In light of the previous match (Bloomin' Petunias - Warpstone Raiders (MBBL Season 12, Round 1)), The Bloomin' Petunias would like to take time to respond to accusations in the press regarding head coach A. Simian's participation in betting on matches.

Coach Simian spoke at a press conference:

"Yes, I am involved in small, insignificant competition but that involves little to no real money changing hands. To think that would influence my job is reprehensible.

"We were in a good position to win the match, and, yes, it's true I tipped us for a draw but - and let me make it perfectly clear - the result was merely due to unfortunate circumstance and not collusion.

"Unfortunately Ludwig van Birchtoven took root at the wrong moment preventing him from making the throw which would give us the win."

(As every fan knows, It is a rare occurrence but the root system that makes up a treeman's lower extremities have sometimes been known to penetrate the turf system pinning the treeman in place.)

Coach Simian went on to add:

"Ludwig feels bad enough that something he could not control wound up costing us the match and I feel continuing this line of questioning borders on racism. Good day."
- Astrosimian
 
 
July 29th, 2015
Praise Nuffle!
The Bloomin' Petunias would like to offer their everlasting thanks to Nuffle for his assistance in tonight's brilliant non-loss against the Warpstone Raiders.
- Astrosimian
 
 
July 29th, 2015
Big Time Fun With Short Men
The very first league match for The Bloomin' Petunias starts in a few moments. Facing against the speedy skaven will be tough; they have the speed to leave us behind quickly. Hopefully, a lovely girl who was selling cutlery door to door, will be of assistance tonight!
- Astrosimian
 
 
July 15th, 2015
Bling!
Ahead of tomorrow's preseason match against Inter Lucinni, we would like to unveil our new team logo.

We're sure that you will agree that it reflects the power and strength of the team.
- Astrosimian
 
 
July 3rd, 2015
New Coach
The Bloomin' Petunias would like to announce that A. Simian has been offered - and accepted - the role of head coach starting in MBBL season 12. Hopefully this will be a start of a long and mutually rewarding partnership.

We would also like to take this time to announce that you can watch all Petunias matches broadcast on S.P.L.A.T.™ (Short Persons' Live Athletic Telecast)
- Astrosimian
 
 
June 15th, 2015
Date Night
The Petunias' next match is up against Lez Girlz. We would like to invite the Amazons out for a very nice dinner and then a throw down in the grass. We may be small in stature but we got big wood!

Once you go 'Fling, you won't need another thing.
- Astrosimian
 
 
Apr. 23rd, 2015
First Game
The Petunias had their first match in an unfortunate loss against the Reservoir Wogs tonight.

Kudos to the team in managing 5 fouls whilst keeping friendly casualties to a minimum and to our catering services who inspired the boys and distracted our opponents fully in the second half.

We fought hard despite the loss but still need some work learning to play together coherently.
- Astrosimian
 
 
Apr. 15th, 2015
Open tryouts
The Bloomin' Petunias are holding an open training camp for the team. All Halflings are encouraged to apply. Snacks will be offered.*

Suitable candidates should possess the following traits:
-two (2) legs
-two (2) arms (negotiable)
-ability to distinguish a friend from a foe
-ability to distinguish a football from a foe (again, negotiable)
-desire to travel the world (or at least be thrown across parts of it)
-little to no next of kin (unless said next of kin are willing to play Blood Bowl)
-no knowledge of personal injury and/or liability law
-a pulse

The Bloomin' Petunias offer the following contract to successful applicants:
-first breakfast
-second breakfast
-elevensies
-brunch
-lunch
-coffee
-afternoon tea
-supper
-aperitifs
-dinner
-digestifs
-late night snack
-uniforms in sizes 2XL-7XL

If you feel you have what it takes to be a Blood Bowl star come down and tryout!

*partaking in said snacks constitutes an agreement on your behalf to join the team.
- Astrosimian
 
 
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The Bloomin' Petunias
Race:  Halfling
Coach:  Astrosimian


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